Today, astrology has been democratized on social networks: many accounts - without any real expertise - broadcast horoscopes and astro sign descriptions without any basis. However, these accounts are quite successful as many people recognize themselves in them. How can this be explained and how can this recognition be a grid for understanding the construction of vaginismus?
A brief theoretical point: the "I" and its formation.
Man naturally establishes categories, boxes where he determines the place of each individual but also his own place (cf. categorisation). Gender group, racial group, religious group, we always manage to situate ourselves on a human chessboard according to certain criteria. But one can also be referred to by those with whom one interacts. The 'I' is a suspended identity that we unconsciously want to attach to certain fixed ideas, especially positive ones. It is a matter of the ego reassuring itself, by determining a clear answer to the question "who am I? In this spirit, we find the numerous personality tests that try to determine if you are more of an action-oriented person, a thinker, a helper... in short, what makes you, you.
Horoscopes, personality tests, and the Barnum effect.
Pseudo astrology accounts on Instagram, Twitter & co, are part of this same logic of defining an individual according to a criterion, in this case their moon sign. We identify with these descriptions because of an effect, which we call the Barnum or Forer effect. This is a cognitive bias that leads the individual to recognise himself in a vague description of his personality. The individual then gives credence to this because it is presented as certain. What does this mean in practice and how was it demonstrated? Forer gave a personality test to a group of students and then gave each of them the same result:
"You do have weaknesses in your personality, but you generally know how to compensate for them (...) You prefer a certain amount of change and variety, and become dissatisfied if you are surrounded by restrictions and limitations. You pride yourself on being an independent spirit; and you will only accept the opinion of others when properly demonstrated. You have found it awkward to reveal yourself too easily to others (...)".
Everyone recognised themselves in this paragraph because the description it gives is general and meliorative. This process is the same with sentences like "such and such a sign is difficult to attach", "such and such a sign does not like to be made fun of", it is not a question of saying adjectives specific to a group, but of stating characteristics common to all, in which each person feels good.
Fitting into a box.
This effect is the product of a desire to define oneself in relation to something superior. The criterion that goes beyond us allows us to explain to others, but also to ourselves, what we do not understand in our own behaviour: it is a way of relieving our guilt.
This need to be understood, to join a group, is present in everyone. For the vaginal woman, this identity can be that of the closed woman. Personally, in the past, I have been called "the armoured door" or "the Virgin Mary". I became attached to these labels and internalised them to the point of confusing them with my personality. I had all the more reason to do so since I was put forward by society: I was the good girl, the one who doesn't open her legs. And to go against that identity, to try to heal, was to renounce myself, what made me me.
Am I vaginic?
When it comes to vaginismus, there are several schools.
Some women with vaginismus recognise themselves behind a typical "vagina" profile with common criteria: attention to others, to public image, desire to be accepted. While these traits are true, they are not exclusive to vaginal women, and conversely, not all vaginal women fit into them. To establish a typical profile is to take the risk of locking oneself into a reassuring identity. We identify ourselves as vaginics because we like to be part of a group, but this limits our ability to leave it.
Many other women with vaginismus refuse to be called 'vaginic' because they see it as confining them - which is understandable in the light of what has been discussed above. However, putting words to oneself, to a condition, is necessary for any awareness. It is only once the problem has been clearly formulated that it can be overcome. In addition, it is necessary to remember that vaginismus is not an identity, but a facet of it, even a tiny detail. And that everyone admits to many identities that are bound to evolve.
It is necessary to accept, for a while, to be a vaginic woman, to solve the problem. Then you have to let go of this aspect of your identity to make room for other characteristics.
